Purple Prayers
So it’s
Lent. I’ve given up sugar and whine. Not a typo. Somehow using the ‘w’ word
gives it that emphasis that the word, ‘complaining’ doesn’t. Can you hear it, the
whining? It’s like when my kids were little and they’d twist up their faces begging
for whatever they felt they deserved, “But
why? They’d whine, or “Mama, she did this to me!, or it wasn’t me!” Or Paul as a
two year old would demand, “No! Me no like it!” But yea, when Paul said that,
it was cute. But I digress.
What I
would do when the kids asked for something in a whiny voice, I’d say, “I can’t hear you. Use the right voice
and start over.” I wish Jesus would help me out that way.
I might snap to. Instead I hear nothing. Though, after a while, the silence is
golden, and I get the message. My whining isn’t effective.
I’ve slipped a bit this week, and blame it
on having company. I feel a bit of pressure to make dessert for my guests. I don’t have to eat it, but I’m not that strong. And I see Jesus in this.
Why? Because I am pretty much a dead
twig snapped off the big trunk relying on my own. Because if I were in the
desert fasting for 40 days, I would feel that no one was watching, like what
difference does it make if I just give in, just this once? Of course we know
the story. No water, no bread, no meat. He succeeded, because he is king of the
universe. And that is why he is my Lord, because he didn’t cave. Love never fails.
So far though,
I have passed in drinking my coffee black since Ash Wednesday. For Christians
who don’t observe Lent, it may seem silly to give up something you enjoy,
especially in comparison to what Jesus did for us, the cross and all.
The way I
see it is drinking my coffee black is a small thing for Jesus, (because
honestly, what is that to him?) But for me to give it up and put Christ first,
that is a big thing for me. And the real kicker is this: The little things
count.
Zechariah
4:10: for even they who were scornful on that day of small beginnings shall
rejoice to see the select stone in the hands of Zerubbabel.
Of course Jesus said it himself, recorded in Luke
16:10:
The
person who is trustworthy in very small matters is also trustworthy in great
ones; and the person who is dishonest in very small matters is also dishonest
in great ones.
Mother Theresa borrowed from Jesus, “Do little
things with great love.”
St.Therese of Lisieux of the Child Jesus paid
tribute to the little things and became known as Therese of the ‘Little Way.’
So for
me, because God gives above and beyond what I ask, I figure that to give up
something for a little while, I just might get something better, something soulfully
beneficial. (You know, to give up one’s own life, it might be saved).
I took
Shep, our dog for a walk. I prayed the Rosary and on a Tuesday, which meant the
mysteries were of the Sorrowful events of Jesus’ Passion: The Agony in the
Garden, The Scourging at the Pillar, The Crowning of Thorns, Carrying of the
Cross, and last but not least, the Crucifixion of Christ.
In
praying the Rosary, as in meditative form of reciting Hail Mary’s, we trust in
the intercession of Mary, the mother of God, as we worship Jesus in these
mysteries. In Jesus’highlights, one Bible event at a time, beginning with
the angel Gabriel announcing to Mary, that she would conceive of the Holy
Spirit. There are four sets: The Joyful, The Sorrowful, The Glorious, and The
Luminous, which were instituted by the Great John Paul II.
The first
Sorrowful mystery is the Agony in the Garden. Shep runs off in the meadow, and
I stoop to tie my shoelace. I am about to break into a jog and I start reciting
the Apostles’ Creed: “I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and
earth…”
Then I pray the Lord’s Prayer to start the first
mystery. I intend my will towards Jesus, and I whisper, “Lord, I worship you in
the mystery of the Agony in the Garden.” How did he do it? All alone, and he
had the choice to not go through with it, “If it be thy will, Father, let this
cup pass…”
Then out of nowhere, and I mean, nowhere, I get this
thought: “Jesus, teach me to suffer.”
What a scary prayer. I assure you, it didn’t come
from me.
Which makes me think it is legit, from the Holy
Spirit.
Again, the quiet is sometimes the loudest.
1 Kings 19:12: The Lord spoke to Elijah, “Go outside and
stand on the mountain before the Lord; the Lord will be passing by.” A strong
and heavy wind was rending the mountains and crushing rocks before the Lord—but
the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake there was fire—but the
Lord was not in the fire. After the fire there was a tiny whispering sound.
By now, I’ve
stopped running. The thought of suffering takes a bit of focus, so I walk. Is that like praying for patience? “Lord, I need patience, and I need it NOW!”
If I ask for God to teach me to suffer, will
he give me something I can’t handle? But then I wander down that narrow road of
thought, kicking gravel on a country road, where few travel. I realize that
everyone suffers anyway. We suffer for bad reasons, our own sin and its
consequences. We suffer for good reasons, to bring about change for the better
in ourselves and on behalf of others. We suffer in the in between, for no
apparent reason at all. Sometimes I wonder if this is the most purposeful type
of suffering. We just may find out later.
"To
live is to suffer. To survive, Is to find meaning in the suffering.” -Friedrich
Nietzsche
There
is a subtlety about Lent that I almost miss. Like the color purple, it is rich—deep,
like water. It is solemn.
It
isn’t fun.
Life
is difficult.
I am
aware of my sin, my shortcomings.
I
think often, “What is the use? Where do I even start to become a better person?”
I can’t
please everyone, not even the most important people in my life. They know me
better than everyone else. Why is everything so hard? Why do we fuss and fight?
There
is no way out. Like a burlap shirt, it itches.
Again,
it’s the attention to details, one day at a time, one mood at a time.
Moment
by moment…
Until
the Easter Triduum: Holy Thursday
Good Friday
Holy
Saturday
Easter
Sunday.
I
suffer and wait for the glory of the Risen Christ.
How
about you? What are your little things? Are you spring cleaning your house, your
soul?
What are your purple prayers?
They all
count.
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